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As grandmothers, we pour so much love into our grandkids, and it can be heartbreaking to feel like the bond we once had with them is fading. Whether it’s due to distance, growing independence, or life simply getting in the way, there are steps we can take to rebuild and strengthen our connection. Remember, bonds are like gardens—they need to be nurtured with patience, care, and consistency. Here are 15 things we can do when we start to feel like our grandchild’s bond with us is weakening:
1. Reach Out First
If you feel like your grandchild isn’t calling or visiting as much, don’t wait for them to make the first move. Life gets busy, and kids don’t always realize how much time has passed. Send a simple text, make a call, or even write a heartfelt letter. A simple “Thinking of you! Hope you’re having a great day!” can go a long way in reminding them you’re there.
2. Be Interested in Their Interests
Kids and teens evolve fast, and their hobbies change just as quickly. One day, they’re into dinosaurs, and the next, they’re obsessed with a new video game. Ask them about their favorite shows, music, or activities and find ways to engage with them through those interests. If they love a certain sport, read up on it. If they enjoy a particular game, ask them to show you how it works. Even if it’s something you don’t understand, showing interest means the world to them.
3. Schedule Regular Visits or Calls
Having a set time for a call, video chat, or in-person visit can keep you connected and give them something to look forward to. If they know “every Sunday is Grandma day,” they’ll begin to expect and enjoy that time together. Consistency helps maintain bonds, even in the busiest of schedules.
4. Surprise Them with Thoughtful Gestures
Everyone loves a surprise, especially when it comes from someone special. Send a small gift, a favorite treat, or even a nostalgic keepsake that reminds them of a cherished memory with you. It doesn’t have to be expensive—sometimes, a simple handwritten note saying, “I saw this and thought of you” means more than anything money can buy.
5. Listen More Than You Talk
Sometimes, grandkids pull away because they feel unheard. Make sure to really listen when they do open up, and avoid offering advice unless they ask for it. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been the best part of your week?” instead of just “How are you?” Show that you’re interested in their thoughts and feelings without always jumping in with suggestions.
6. Share Fun Memories Together
Reminisce about the times you’ve shared and bring up inside jokes or special traditions that only you two understand. Maybe it’s the time you made cookies together and accidentally added salt instead of sugar. Or that vacation where you got lost but had the best time anyway. These moments create a sense of shared history that reinforces your bond.
7. Adapt to Their Preferred Way of Communicating
If they prefer texting over phone calls, meet them where they are. If they love sending memes, send a few back! Some kids feel more comfortable communicating through messages, while others love video calls. By adapting to their communication style, you show them you respect their preferences and are willing to meet them halfway.
8. Respect Their Growing Independence
As grandkids grow older, they’ll want more space. It’s natural for teenagers to start pulling away a little, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Show them that your love is unconditional and doesn’t come with expectations of constant contact. Let them know they can always come to you, but don’t guilt them for needing space.
9. Plan Special Activities Together
Whether it’s a baking day, a nature walk, or a movie night, creating opportunities to bond in a relaxed setting can help bring back closeness. Let them have some input—ask what they’d like to do! Maybe they want to teach you a new game or try a hobby together. The goal is to make time spent together fun and meaningful.
10. Attend Their Events
If they’re in a play, a sports game, or any special event, show up if you can. Knowing you’re cheering them on means more than they might admit. Even if they don’t acknowledge it in the moment, they’ll remember that Grandma was always there, supporting them.
11. Write Them Letters or Keep a Journal for Them
Sometimes, a heartfelt letter can express what words in conversation cannot. A journal filled with stories, advice, and love can also be a treasured keepsake. If they’re too busy to respond right away, they can read your letters when they have a moment and feel your presence even from afar.
12. Avoid Guilt-Tripping
Saying things like, “You never call me anymore” can make them pull away even more. Instead, let them know you love and miss them without making them feel pressured. A simple “I always love hearing from you when you have time” keeps the door open without making them feel bad.
13. Create New Traditions
If old routines aren’t working, start fresh! Maybe a Sunday morning video call, a monthly “Grandma’s Choice” outing, or even a shared book club could become a new tradition. Traditions create consistency and give them something to associate with their relationship with you.
14. Ask for Their Help or Advice
Kids love feeling useful. Ask them to show you how to use a new app, recommend a movie, or teach you something they’re passionate about. It gives them a reason to engage with you and shows that you value their knowledge and perspective.
15. Let Them Know Your Love Is Unchanging
Life changes, schedules get hectic, and interests shift, but your love stays constant. Sometimes, just reminding them of that is enough to keep your bond strong. Let them know they are always welcome in your home and heart, no matter how busy life gets.
Final Thoughts
No matter how distant a grandchild may seem at times, there’s always a way to rebuild the connection. Bonds between grandparents and grandchildren are special, and with a little patience, creativity, and a whole lot of love, we can keep our special place in their hearts. The key is to be present, engaged, and understanding. After all, we grandmothers have a kind of love that never fades!
