Disclaimer: Devoted Grandma is reader-supported. If you purchase anything through my site, I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you). Thank you.
As grandmothers, we know that our grandkids don’t always come right out and tell us when something is wrong. Children and even teenagers can struggle in silence, especially when they’re having difficulties at home with their parents. But if we pay close attention, there are subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) signs that our grandchild might be going through a rough time under their parents’ roof. Here are some of the most common signals that something may not be right.
1. They Seem Anxious or Withdrawn
If your grandchild used to be cheerful and full of stories but now seems quieter, more anxious, or distant, it could be a sign of stress at home. A sudden change in their personality or energy levels might indicate tension, fear, or worry about their living situation. It’s important to note whether this change is consistent over time or just a temporary reaction to a particular event.
Some children may also exhibit signs of anxiety, such as biting their nails, fidgeting excessively, or having trouble making eye contact. These behaviors can sometimes be overlooked, but they are important indicators of emotional distress.
2. They Avoid Talking About Home
When you ask about their parents or home life, do they quickly change the subject? If they hesitate to share details or respond vaguely, they might be trying to avoid discussing a situation that makes them uncomfortable.
It’s common for kids to be private, but when they seem intentionally evasive, it could suggest that something is bothering them. Rather than pressing them for answers, try offering opportunities to talk in a non-threatening, casual way, such as during a relaxed activity like baking or taking a walk together.
3. Frequent Emotional Outbursts or Mood Swings
Children often act out their emotions through their behavior. If your grandchild seems overly irritable, has sudden angry outbursts, or cries more than usual, it could be a sign that they are struggling with something at home.
Emotional outbursts are often an outlet for pent-up frustration, sadness, or confusion. Sometimes, children don’t have the words to express their emotions, so they show them through actions. If these mood swings become more frequent or intense, it might be time to have a gentle conversation to understand what’s going on.
4. They Prefer to Stay at Your House More Often
While we love having our grandkids around, if they seem reluctant to go home or frequently ask to stay over, it might mean they feel more at peace in your home than in their own.
You may notice that they sigh or appear anxious when it’s time to leave, or they might subtly ask for more sleepovers without directly saying why. Sometimes, a child may even verbalize that they prefer being at your house because it’s “calmer” or “less stressful.” Pay close attention to the words they use and their body language.
5. Changes in Eating Habits
Pay attention to their eating patterns. A sudden loss of appetite or overeating can be a sign of stress, anxiety, or even a lack of proper meals at home.
Some children overeat as a way to cope with emotions, while others lose interest in food due to anxiety. If they appear underweight or talk about being hungry more often than usual, there could be concerns regarding food availability or emotional distress affecting their appetite.
6. They Struggle with Sleep
If your grandchild mentions nightmares, trouble falling asleep, or being constantly tired, it could indicate that they are feeling unsafe or uneasy in their home environment. Stress and emotional turmoil often disrupt sleep.
Sleep problems could also be caused by conflicts happening at home, loud arguments, or even the child feeling unsafe in their living space. If they express that they’re afraid to sleep alone or have recurring bad dreams, it may be a sign of deeper emotional struggles.
7. They Show Signs of Low Self-Esteem
A child who suddenly starts doubting themselves, making negative comments about their worth, or withdrawing from activities they once loved may be struggling with criticism, neglect, or emotional challenges at home.
If they often say things like, “I’m not good enough” or “Nobody cares about me,” they might be experiencing a lack of support or encouragement from their parents. Providing a nurturing environment where they feel valued and appreciated can make a big difference.
8. Their School Performance Declines
If teachers mention a drop in grades, a lack of focus, or behavioral issues, it could be a reflection of difficulties at home. Stress and emotional distress can make it hard for children to concentrate on their studies.
Not all children will verbalize their struggles, but their academic performance can be an indicator of emotional distress. Look out for declining grades, complaints from teachers, or your grandchild expressing frustration about school more frequently.
9. They Are More Clingy or Need Extra Reassurance
Sometimes, children dealing with problems at home may seek comfort and validation elsewhere. If your grandchild suddenly becomes extra attached to you, constantly seeks your approval, or appears more insecure than before, they might be feeling emotionally neglected.
They may hug you more often, repeatedly ask if you love them, or seem overly sensitive to minor criticisms. These behaviors signal a need for additional emotional support.
10. They Mention Feeling Lonely or Unheard
If your grandchild confides that they feel like no one listens to them or that they don’t feel important at home, it’s a big red flag. Every child deserves to feel loved, valued, and safe in their own home.
When children express loneliness or emotional neglect, it’s a cry for help. They may feel unseen, unheard, or unappreciated by their parents, leading to feelings of isolation.
What Can You Do?
If you notice one or more of these signs, it’s important to handle the situation with care. Here’s how you can support your grandchild:
- Be a safe space – Let them know they can talk to you about anything without judgment.
- Ask gentle, open-ended questions – Instead of pushing for answers, give them room to express themselves.
- Offer reassurance – Remind them that they are loved, valued, and not alone.
- Communicate with their parents (if possible) – If it’s safe and appropriate, try to understand what’s happening from the parents’ perspective.
- Seek outside help if necessary – If you suspect neglect, emotional abuse, or any serious issues, don’t hesitate to involve a trusted authority figure or professional.
We grandmothers may not be able to fix everything, but our love and support can make a world of difference. Sometimes, all a child needs is to know that someone truly sees them, hears them, and is there for them no matter what.
