Disclaimer: Devoted Grandma is reader-supported. If you purchase anything through my site, I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you). Thank you.
We grandmothers mean well. We love our grandchildren with every stitch of our hearts, and we’d never want to hurt them. But sometimes, without realizing it, we say things that land the wrong way—especially when it comes to how they look.
It’s easy to forget how sensitive children can be, especially in a world that constantly judges their appearance. With social media, peer pressure, and unrealistic beauty standards pressing in on all sides, our grandkids don’t need one more voice picking apart their bodies or appearances—especially not ours.
Even comments we think are innocent, humorous, or loving can leave lasting impressions. That’s why we need to be extra mindful of how we talk about their bodies, features, clothes, or even habits.
So here are 20 appearance-related comments that we grandmothers should avoid at all costs—along with a few kind alternatives you might try instead.
1. “You’ve gained a little weight, haven’t you?”
Even said with care, this can feel like judgment. Weight is often a sensitive subject for kids, teens, and even adults. If you’re worried about their health, focus on shared activities—like cooking healthy meals together or going on walks—not on their size.
2. “You’d be so much prettier/handsomer if you did your hair differently.”
This can make your grandchild feel like who they are now isn’t enough. Celebrate their style, even if it’s not what you’d choose.
3. “That outfit doesn’t suit your body.”
Fashion is about self-expression. Let them explore who they are, and save critique for truly inappropriate choices—and even then, tread gently.
4. “You’re getting so pale/dark/freckly/skinny/tall…”
While you might just be noticing a change, comments like these can create body awareness or insecurity where there was none. Children are constantly evolving—physically, emotionally, mentally. Let them.
5. “Are you sure you should be eating that?”
Food shouldn’t come with guilt, especially at grandma’s house. This comment can trigger shame or secret eating. Instead, encourage healthy habits with love and joy—not fear.
6. “You looked better before.”
Whether they cut their hair or changed their wardrobe, don’t mourn the past in front of them. Let them know they’re beautiful or handsome now.
7. “You’re too pretty/handsome to be shy.”
This links confidence to appearance, when it really comes from within. Praise their heart, mind, and bravery instead.
8. “You look just like [relative]—but they were always a bit heavy.”
Even if said with a chuckle, this kind of comparison can sting. Focus on the positive parts of family resemblance: smiles, dimples, laughter.
9. “You’re so short for your age.”
Children grow at their own pace. Highlighting differences from peers can make them feel left behind or “less than.”
10. “You’d better watch it or you’ll get chubby like your [parent/sibling].”
Criticizing someone else’s body in front of your grandchild teaches them to judge and fear their own.
11. “Your nose is just like your dad’s—it always bothered me.”
Even if you didn’t like a certain feature on yourself or others, don’t pass down body insecurities. Celebrate the things that make them them.
12. “Wow, your legs are really big/muscular.”
Comments about size—even said in admiration—can make them feel like they’re being evaluated or stared at. Be mindful of tone and timing.
13. “That acne is getting worse—have you tried washing your face more?”
Most kids with acne are already trying everything. Be gentle. Offer a hug, not a remedy.
14. “When I was your age, I was a lot slimmer.”
This makes their body feel like a disappointment. Try stories that uplift instead of compare.
15. “You wear too much makeup for your age.”
Instead of critiquing their look, ask questions. “What do you like about your makeup today?” might open a better, more loving conversation.
16. “You’d be beautiful if you just smiled more.”
Smiles should never be demanded. Let your grandchild show emotion freely—and know they’re beautiful in every expression.
17. “Real girls don’t wear that much makeup” or “Real boys don’t dye their hair.”
Let them explore. Their style today might not be their style tomorrow. What matters is that they feel safe expressing themselves around you.
18. “You should wear clothes that hide your tummy/arms/legs more.”
This teaches them to be ashamed of their body. Instead, compliment their confidence or sense of fun in their clothing.
19. “That haircut makes you look weird.”
They might be trying to feel brave or bold. Even if you’re surprised, try something like, “That’s different! Tell me what you like about it.”
20. “You don’t need to dress like that to get attention.”
This comment assumes the worst about their motives—and tells them they need to earn approval another way. Try asking, “Do you feel good in that?” instead.
Why This Matters So Much
Our grandchildren already face so much noise out there telling them how they should look, behave, or fit in. They don’t need us to be one more voice echoing those pressures.
Let’s remember that our role is not to correct or critique every choice they make—it’s to be their safe place. A place where they can be entirely themselves. Where their bodies are not judged, but hugged. Where their outfits are not questioned, but admired for the confidence they bring. Where their changing skin, height, weight, and style are just a beautiful part of growing up.
Let’s offer compliments that build their spirit—not just their surface. Let’s say:
- “You look so happy today.”
- “Your energy lights up the room.”
- “You have the kindest eyes.”
- “I love how creative your style is.”
- “You look like you feel good about yourself—and that makes me happy.”
Final Thought
We don’t have to be perfect grandmothers. But we can be conscious ones. The next time a thought about their appearance pops into your head, pause. Ask yourself:
Will this comment make them love themselves more—or less?
If it’s not going to build them up, it’s better to keep it tucked away.
We may only be one voice in their life, but it’s a voice they’ll remember. Let’s make sure it’s filled with love, pride, and unconditional acceptance.
Because at the end of the day, they’ll forget the little things we bought them, but they’ll always remember how we made them feel in their own skin.
