Disclaimer: Devoted Grandma is reader-supported. If you purchase anything through my site, I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you). Thank you.
From one grandmother to another—let’s make sure our love feels like a warm hug, not a cold shoulder.
We grandmothers have so much love to give, and we pour it out in pies, hugs, and stories that stretch back through generations. But even the most loving heart can fall into habits that, without meaning to, leave our grandchildren feeling like visitors instead of family.
When our grandkids come over, we want them to feel like they belong, not like they’re tiptoeing through a stranger’s living room. Sometimes, what feels like good manners or helpful advice to us can feel cold or critical to them.
Let’s take a gentle look at 10 behaviors we might be doing without realizing—things that can make our grandkids feel unwelcome—and think about what we can do to make sure our homes stay the soft, safe place they always need.
1. Constantly Reminding Them of House Rules
Of course we want our homes respected, but if we’re constantly hovering, correcting their every move—“Don’t touch that,” “Take your shoes off,” “Use a coaster!”—our home begins to feel like a list of rules instead of a place to relax.
It’s okay to have a few boundaries, but let’s make sure we’re choosing connection over correction. One or two gentle reminders is enough—then let it go and enjoy the moment.
What to do instead: Focus on safety and kindness, not perfection. Praise their good behavior more than you point out their missteps.
2. Making Comments About Their Appearance
We may think we’re being helpful when we say things like, “You looked prettier before you dyed your hair” or “You’ve filled out a bit, haven’t you?”—but those words can stay with them far longer than we ever meant them to.
Grandkids need to know they’re enough—just as they are.
What to do instead: Compliment their smile, their confidence, or the way their eyes light up when they talk about something they love. Focus on what brings out their light.
3. Comparing Them to Siblings or Other Grandkids
No one likes being held up against someone else, especially not children who are still figuring out who they are.
Even comments we think are innocent—“Your brother always makes his bed,” or “Your cousin helps out more”—can chip away at their self-esteem.
What to do instead: Celebrate what makes each grandchild unique. Let them know you see their individual strengths.
4. Not Making Space for Them to Be Themselves
Children aren’t meant to be quiet little statues. They need space to wiggle, laugh, and express themselves.
When we expect them to act older than they are, or silence their playfulness, we end up stifling the very joy that makes them who they are.
What to do instead: Let them be kids. Laugh with them. Be silly. Invite their imagination to come out and play.
5. Bringing Up Past Mistakes
Bringing up old accidents or bad behavior—especially when it’s done in front of others—can make a grandchild feel like they’re never allowed to grow past it.
“Remember when you dropped that bowl?” or “You were such a handful last time!” may be meant as a chuckle, but to them, it’s a reminder of their flaws.
What to do instead: Leave the past in the past. Let them feel like every visit is a fresh start.
6. Not Letting Them Touch or Use Anything
If everything is “hands off” or “too nice,” then our house starts to feel more like a museum than a second home.
Of course we want to protect our things, but if we haven’t created any spaces for kids to play, relax, or make a little mess, they’ll feel more like burdens than blessings.
What to do instead: Create a “kid-friendly zone” in the house. Even just a basket of toys, some art supplies, or a soft blanket they always use can make all the difference.
7. Not Involving Them in Anything
When we do everything for them but never with them, we unintentionally send the message that they’re just passing through.
Kids feel more welcome when they feel included. Whether it’s setting the table, choosing the movie, or helping bake cookies—being part of the moment makes them feel like they belong.
What to do instead: Ask their opinion. Give them little jobs to do with you, not just around you.
8. Talking About Adult Problems in Front of Them
Kids soak up more than we think. If we’re venting about their parents, talking about money struggles, or sharing stressful news in front of them, they can start to feel uneasy or like they’re in the middle of something they don’t understand.
What to do instead: Save adult conversations for after bedtime or private moments. Keep your time with them light, loving, and free from the grown-up heaviness they don’t need to carry.
9. Making It Obvious When We Prefer Some Grandkids Over Others
This one can be hard to admit, but even a little favoritism can wound a child’s heart. Whether it’s giving one grandchild more attention, more gifts, or more praise—it’s noticed.
Children are always watching. They pick up on who gets the longer hug or who’s called “my little angel.”
What to do instead: Make intentional efforts to bond with each grandchild one-on-one. Find what makes your connection with each of them special.
10. Acting Like They’re a Burden
We may not say it out loud, but if we sigh every time they ask a question, roll our eyes when they want to play, or talk about how “exhausting” it is to have them over, they’ll pick up on the message: I’m not really wanted here.
What to do instead: Let your actions say, “I’m glad you’re here.” Even if we’re tired or busy, just a smile, an arm around their shoulder, or saying, “I missed you” can make all the difference.
A Final Word from One Grandma’s Heart to Another
Being a grandmother is one of the greatest roles we’ll ever play—but it’s also one that takes self-reflection and gentleness. Our love for our grandchildren is deep and endless—but love needs to be shown in ways they can feel and understand.
Let’s make sure our homes don’t just have a place for them to sleep—but a place where they feel deeply seen, welcomed, and adored. Let’s be the kind of grandmas they want to visit—not because they have to, but because it feels like home.
We won’t always get it right—but every step toward warmth, understanding, and connection is a step toward stronger relationships and more cherished memories.
