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As grandmothers, we pour so much love into our grandkids and cherish every moment we get to spend with them. We dream of fun sleepovers, heartwarming conversations, and traditions passed down through generations. But sometimes, despite our best efforts, our bonding attempts don’t go as planned.
We set up a perfect activity, only to have our grandchild seem disinterested, distracted, or eager to move on to something else. If you’ve ever felt a little discouraged when a bonding idea flopped, you’re not alone! There are many reasons why some of our well-intended plans don’t quite work out—and the good news is that there’s always a way to adjust.
Here are 10 common reasons why bonding activities with your grandkids may not be working out, along with practical solutions to make them more successful.
1. Your Idea Appeals to You More Than It Appeals to Them
We often try to share the things we love with our grandkids, whether it’s baking an old family recipe, watching a classic movie, or doing a hobby we’ve enjoyed for years. But sometimes, what we find fun doesn’t quite excite them the same way.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: Kids and teens have their own interests and might not connect with something just because it’s meaningful to us.
💡 What to do instead: Instead of assuming they’ll enjoy what we love, try blending interests. If you enjoy baking, let them pick the recipe. If you love reading, ask what kind of books they enjoy and read alongside them. Find ways to meet them halfway so that the activity feels exciting for both of you.
2. You’re Competing with Technology
Phones, tablets, and video games are a big part of kids’ lives today. While we might wish for more face-to-face time, the reality is that screens are part of their world.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: If we plan an activity that feels slow or outdated compared to their digital entertainment, they might not engage fully.
💡 What to do instead: Instead of trying to pull them away from technology completely, find ways to incorporate it. Try a video game together, create a fun social media challenge, or learn a trending dance from TikTok. When they see that you’re open to their world, they might be more open to yours.
3. Your Timing Is Off
Kids, especially as they get older, have their own routines, schedules, and energy levels. If we try to plan a bonding moment at the wrong time, it might not go as planned.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: If they’re tired, hungry, or already engaged in something else, they won’t be in the right mindset to connect.
💡 What to do instead: Pay attention to their cues. If they seem distracted, ask when a better time would be. Sometimes, an impromptu bonding moment—like chatting in the car or sharing a snack—is more effective than a scheduled activity.
4. They Feel Like It’s an Obligation
Nobody likes to feel forced into something, and kids are no exception. If they sense that an activity is something they “have to” do rather than something they “get to” do, they may resist.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: The more structured or forced an activity feels, the less they may enjoy it.
💡 What to do instead: Keep things open-ended. Instead of saying, “We are going to paint today,” try, “I got some paints and thought it might be fun. Want to give it a try?” Giving them the option to join in makes them more likely to participate willingly.
5. It Doesn’t Feel Like ‘Their Thing’
As grandkids grow, they develop their own tastes and styles. What worked when they were little may not be exciting now.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: If something feels too childish, too outdated, or just not in line with their interests, they may disengage.
💡 What to do instead: Adapt and evolve with them! If they’re into sports, go to a game together. If they love music, ask them to introduce you to their favorite songs. Show interest in what excites them.
6. They’re Nervous About Not Being Good at It
Sometimes, kids hesitate to join an activity because they’re afraid they won’t do it well. This is especially true for perfectionist children or teens who don’t want to seem inexperienced.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: If they feel pressure to perform well, they may not want to try.
💡 What to do instead: Make it clear that mistakes are part of the fun! Share stories of times you messed up, and create a lighthearted atmosphere where it’s okay to be imperfect.
7. It’s Not the Right Setting for Bonding
Some activities just don’t work well in certain environments. If it’s too noisy, crowded, or rushed, the bonding moment might not feel special.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: The wrong setting can make it hard for meaningful connection to happen.
💡 What to do instead: Be mindful of the environment. If you want a heartfelt conversation, try a quiet walk or a relaxed afternoon at home. If you want to do an activity, make sure the space is comfortable and inviting.
8. They Feel Like You’re Trying Too Hard
Kids and teens can sense when we’re pushing too hard for a bonding moment. If we plan too much or try too many activities, they might feel overwhelmed.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: Forced bonding can feel unnatural, making them withdraw rather than engage.
💡 What to do instead: Let moments happen naturally. Sometimes, sitting together and letting a conversation flow is better than a planned event.
9. They’re Going Through a Phase
Sometimes, it’s not about us—it’s about them. Grandkids go through phases where they prioritize friends, independence, or new hobbies.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: If they’re in a phase where they’re pulling away, they may not be as open to bonding.
💡 What to do instead: Give them space but stay present. A simple text, a funny meme, or a check-in lets them know you’re there without pressuring them.
10. You Haven’t Found ‘Your Thing’ Yet
Not every grandparent-grandchild connection is built around the same activities. It takes time to figure out what truly clicks.
🔹 Why it doesn’t work: If you haven’t discovered that special thing that connects you, bonding may feel hit-or-miss.
💡 What to do instead: Keep exploring! Try different things until you find the one that makes both of you light up—whether it’s music, crafting, sports, or simply joking around.
Final Thoughts
If your bonding ideas haven’t worked out, don’t take it personally! It’s not a sign that your grandchild doesn’t love you—it just means you’re still figuring out what works best. Relationships evolve, and the key is to stay patient, flexible, and open to new experiences.
Sometimes, the best moments happen when we least expect them. A quiet car ride, a shared snack, or a casual chat can be more meaningful than the most perfectly planned activity. Just being there, showing up, and loving them unconditionally is what truly matters. 💖
