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As grandmothers, our words carry an incredible amount of weight in our grandchildren’s lives. We are their safe place, their source of comfort, and their guiding voice. They turn to us for love, wisdom, and encouragement.
But sometimes, without realizing it, we might say things that discourage rather than uplift them. What may seem like an innocent comment to us could stay with them for years, shaping their confidence, self-worth, and the way they see themselves.
That’s why we must be mindful of the messages we send with our words. Our goal should be to build them up, not tear them down—even when correcting them. A well-placed word of encouragement can strengthen their self-esteem, while an unintended hurtful comment can chip away at it.
Here are 30 common demoralizing statements we should avoid—along with better ways to communicate our thoughts in a loving and supportive way.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
💔 This makes children feel like their emotions are a weakness rather than a natural part of being human.
💖 Instead, say: “I can see that really affected you. Do you want to talk about it?”
2. “You’ll never be as good as your sibling/cousin/friend.”
💔 Comparing them to others makes them feel like they aren’t good enough.
💖 Instead, say: “Everyone has their own strengths, and I love seeing you grow in yours!”
3. “You’re not trying hard enough.”
💔 Implies that their effort isn’t valuable, even if they’re giving their best.
💖 Instead, say: “I see you working hard. Keep going! I believe in you.”
4. “That’s not how I did it when I was your age.”
💔 Times change, and this can make them feel like they’re always wrong.
💖 Instead, say: “It’s interesting how things evolve! Show me how you do it.”
5. “That’s not a real job/hobby.”
💔 Saying this makes them feel like their dreams don’t matter.
💖 Instead, say: “Tell me what excites you about it!”
6. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
💔 This can make them feel dismissed and unimportant.
💖 Instead, say: “That’s a great question. Let’s talk about it together.”
7. “You always mess things up.”
💔 Negative labels can become part of their self-image.
💖 Instead, say: “Mistakes help us learn. Let’s try again together.”
8. “You’re not pretty/handsome enough for that.”
💔 Can plant seeds of insecurity that last a lifetime.
💖 Instead, say: “You are beautifully unique just as you are.”
9. “Stop crying—it’s not a big deal.”
💔 Their emotions are a big deal to them.
💖 Instead, say: “I see this really matters to you. Want a hug?”
10. “I told you so.”
💔 It may be tempting, but it doesn’t help them learn.
💖 Instead, say: “What do you think you’ll do differently next time?”
11. “You should be more like your sibling/friend.”
💔 Makes them feel like they’ll never measure up.
💖 Instead, say: “I love how you do things in your own way.”
12. “You’re too young to have an opinion on this.”
💔 Can make them feel like their thoughts don’t matter.
💖 Instead, say: “I’d love to hear what you think!”
13. “You’ll never succeed if you keep acting like that.”
💔 Sounds like a prediction of failure rather than encouragement.
💖 Instead, say: “Keep practicing, and I know you’ll get there!”
14. “You’re just being lazy.”
💔 Labels don’t inspire effort.
💖 Instead, say: “Are you feeling unmotivated? How can I help?”
15. “You should know better.”
💔 Can make them feel ashamed instead of teaching them.
💖 Instead, say: “Let’s talk about what happened and what we can learn from it.”
16. “Boys don’t cry” / “Girls shouldn’t be so bossy.”
💔 These outdated ideas limit them.
💖 Instead, say: “It’s okay to express how you feel.”
17. “You’ll never make it if you keep acting this way.”
💔 Makes them feel like success is impossible.
💖 Instead, say: “You’re capable of great things! Let’s work on it together.”
18. “I’m disappointed in you.”
💔 Can make them feel unworthy of love.
💖 Instead, say: “I didn’t expect that choice, but I still love you.”
19. “You always embarrass me.”
💔 Creates deep shame.
💖 Instead, say: “Let’s talk about how we can handle this better next time.”
20. “You’ll never be good at this.”
💔 Shuts down their willingness to try.
💖 Instead, say: “You’re improving every time you practice!”
21. “You’re acting like a baby.”
💔 Feels like an insult.
💖 Instead, say: “I see you’re upset. Want to tell me what’s wrong?”
22. “Why can’t you be more grateful?”
💔 Gratitude is taught, not forced.
💖 Instead, say: “Let’s talk about what we’re thankful for today.”
23. “You’re too old for that.”
💔 Makes them feel pressured to grow up too fast.
💖 Instead, say: “If you love it, keep enjoying it!”
24. “You’ll never understand.”
💔 Can make them feel unintelligent.
💖 Instead, say: “Let’s work through this together.”
25. “You should just give up.”
💔 The most damaging thing we can say.
💖 Instead, say: “You’re capable of more than you think. Keep going!”
26. “You’re a bad kid.”
💔 Labels can stick for life.
💖 Instead, say: “You made a mistake, but that doesn’t define you.”
27. “You don’t know what real problems are.”
💔 Their struggles feel big to them.
💖 Instead, say: “I understand this is tough for you. How can I help?”
28. “I don’t have time for this right now.”
💔 Makes them feel unimportant.
💖 Instead, say: “Give me a moment, and I’d love to listen.”
29. “That’s a dumb idea.”
💔 Crushes their creativity and confidence.
💖 Instead, say: “That’s an interesting idea! Tell me more about it.”
30. “I give up on you.”
💔 The worst thing a child can hear.
💖 Instead, say: “I’ll always believe in you, no matter what.”
Final Thoughts
Words matter. As grandmothers, we have the power to shape our grandchildren’s self-worth with what we say. Instead of discouraging them, let’s be their biggest cheerleaders.
A kind word today can become the confidence they carry for a lifetime. 💖
