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As grandmothers, we shower our grandkids with love in so many ways—hugs, bedtime stories, surprise gifts, and playful games. When they’re little, they soak up every ounce of affection without hesitation. But as they grow, their love languages begin to change. What once made them giggle and light up with joy may now make them shy away, shrug, or even roll their eyes.
It’s not that they love us any less. Their needs, interests, and ways of feeling loved simply evolve. Instead of feeling hurt, we can adjust how we express our love so we remain just as close to them through every stage of their life.
Here are 10 love languages our grandkids often outgrow—and how we can adapt to keep our bond just as strong.
1. Big Hugs, Kisses, and Hand-Holding
There was a time when our grandkids couldn’t get enough of our hugs, kisses, and hand-holding. They would run into our arms, snuggle up to us, and never want to let go. But as they grow, especially into their preteen and teen years, physical affection might feel embarrassing—especially in front of their friends.
Why This Changes:
As children enter adolescence, they become more self-conscious and aware of social norms. While they may still love hugs at home, they might shy away from public displays of affection.
How to Adapt:
Instead of insisting on hugs and kisses, let them take the lead. A quick pat on the back, a playful high-five, or even a casual arm squeeze can be a more comfortable way for them to receive affection. If they don’t want hugs in front of friends, save them for private moments when they’re more receptive.
2. Over-the-Top Excitement and Surprises
When they were little, our grandkids loved when we got super excited over their artwork, funny stories, or small achievements. They thrived on dramatic reactions—big gasps, clapping, and squeals of joy.
Why This Changes:
Older kids and teenagers become more reserved and may feel embarrassed by exaggerated reactions. They may crave more mature acknowledgment instead of playful, childlike excitement.
How to Adapt:
Older grandkids still want to feel special, but they may appreciate a more subtle approach. A warm smile, a sincere “That’s amazing, I’m proud of you,” or a meaningful conversation about their interests will often mean more than an exaggerated reaction.
3. Playtime and Pretend Games
Remember when playing dress-up, having tea parties, or pretending to be superheroes made us their favorite playmate? Those moments were pure magic. But as they grow, pretend play naturally fades away.
Why This Changes:
As they mature, children develop new interests in real-world activities like sports, technology, books, or socializing with friends. Make-believe play starts to feel childish to them.
How to Adapt:
Find new ways to engage with them. If they’re into video games, ask about their favorite ones or play with them. If they love music, discuss their favorite artists. The key is to transition from “pretend play” to shared real-world interests.
4. Being Glued to Your Side
When they were little, they followed us everywhere—sitting on our laps, holding our hands, and wanting to be wherever we were. But as they grow, they start seeking more independence. They might prefer spending time with their friends or in their own space.
Why This Changes:
Independence is a natural part of growing up. As they develop friendships and explore their own identities, they may not need constant companionship from us anymore.
How to Adapt:
Give them space while reminding them you’re always there. A quick text or a short call to check in can go a long way. Respect their independence, but let them know your door is always open.
5. Small Toys and Trinkets
A few years ago, stickers, stuffed animals, and surprise toys could light up their entire day. But as they grow, those little gifts might not excite them anymore.
Why This Changes:
As they mature, their interests shift from toys to more meaningful or practical things.
How to Adapt:
Shift your gifts to match their current interests. Gift cards, books, a cool gadget, or even taking them out for a fun experience (like a movie, concert, or sporting event) may be more meaningful than physical gifts.
6. Baby Nicknames and Silly Talk
We’ve all had special pet names for our grandkids—maybe we called them “Pumpkin,” “Bunny,” or “Little Lovebug.” When they were little, they adored it. But as they grow, they may feel embarrassed by baby nicknames, especially in front of their friends.
Why This Changes:
Teenagers want to be seen as mature and independent. Pet names from childhood can feel babyish or embarrassing.
How to Adapt:
Pay attention to their reaction. If they seem embarrassed, respect their feelings and transition to a more mature nickname, or simply use their real name with warmth and affection.
7. Bedtime Stories and Lullabies
There was a time when our grandkids couldn’t fall asleep without a bedtime story, a lullaby, or a nighttime snuggle. But as they grow, their routines change, and they may no longer need those bedtime traditions.
Why This Changes:
Older kids develop their own nighttime routines, such as reading independently, watching a show, or texting friends.
How to Adapt:
Keep storytelling alive in a new way. Share family stories over dinner, recommend books they might like, or even send a short text with a thoughtful quote or memory.
8. Public Displays of Affection
When they were little, our grandkids didn’t care who saw them hug or kiss us. But as they enter their teenage years, affection in public can feel embarrassing, especially around their peers.
How to Adapt:
Instead of hugging them in public, offer a fist bump, a high five, or a simple “Love you, kid” as they walk away.
9. Taking Our Advice Without Question
When they were young, they trusted every word we said. If Grandma said something, it had to be true! But as they grow, they start forming their own opinions, questioning things more, and even disagreeing with us.
How to Adapt:
Encourage open discussions instead of insisting on being “right.” Show them that you respect their growing independence by listening to their opinions and having thoughtful conversations.
10. Needing Constant Praise and Validation
When they were little, they craved constant praise—“Good job! You’re amazing! You’re the best at everything!” But as they grow, too much praise can feel forced or insincere, and they may start valuing more realistic encouragement.
How to Adapt:
Instead of excessive praise, offer thoughtful encouragement. Instead of saying, “You’re the best at everything!” try, “I love watching you grow and improve. You put in so much effort, and I’m proud of you.”
Love Never Fades—It Evolves
It’s natural to feel a little wistful when we realize our grandkids have outgrown certain ways we used to show them love. But the truth is, love never fades—it just evolves.
By paying attention to their changing love languages, respecting their independence, and finding new ways to connect, we can maintain a deep and meaningful bond with them at every stage of life.
And one day, when they’re older, they might just come back for that big grandma hug again. ❤️
