{"id":14207,"date":"2025-03-26T05:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-03-26T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.devotedgrandma.com\/?p=14207"},"modified":"2025-03-26T11:13:49","modified_gmt":"2025-03-26T15:13:49","slug":"10-grandma-behaviors-that-make-our-grandkids-feel-unwelcome-in-our-homes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.devotedgrandma.com\/grandparenting\/10-grandma-behaviors-that-make-our-grandkids-feel-unwelcome-in-our-homes\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Grandma Behaviors That Make Our Grandkids Feel Unwelcome in Our Homes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

From one grandmother to another\u2014let\u2019s make sure our love feels like a warm hug, not a cold shoulder.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n


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We grandmothers have so much love to give, and we pour it out in pies, hugs, and stories that stretch back through generations. But even the most loving heart can fall into habits that, without meaning to, leave our grandchildren feeling like visitors instead of family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When our grandkids come over, we want them to feel like they belong, not like they\u2019re tiptoeing through a stranger\u2019s living room. Sometimes, what feels like good manners or helpful advice to us can feel cold or critical to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s take a gentle look at 10 behaviors<\/strong> we might be doing without realizing\u2014things that can make our grandkids feel unwelcome<\/em>\u2014and think about what we can do to make sure our homes stay the soft, safe place they always need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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1. Constantly Reminding Them of House Rules<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Of course we want our homes respected, but if we\u2019re constantly hovering, correcting their every move\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t touch that,\u201d \u201cTake your shoes off,\u201d \u201cUse a coaster!\u201d\u2014our home begins to feel like a list of rules instead of a place to relax.
It\u2019s okay to have a few boundaries, but let\u2019s make sure we\u2019re choosing connection over correction. One or two gentle reminders is enough\u2014then let it go and enjoy the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Focus on safety and kindness, not perfection. Praise their good behavior more than you point out their missteps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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2. Making Comments About Their Appearance<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

We may think we\u2019re being helpful when we say things like, \u201cYou looked prettier before you dyed your hair\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019ve filled out a bit, haven\u2019t you?\u201d\u2014but those words can stay with them far longer than we ever meant them to.
Grandkids need to know they\u2019re enough<\/em>\u2014just as they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Compliment their smile, their confidence, or the way their eyes light up when they talk about something they love. Focus on what brings out their light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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3. Comparing Them to Siblings or Other Grandkids<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

No one likes being held up against someone else, especially not children who are still figuring out who they are.
Even comments we think are innocent\u2014\u201cYour brother always makes his bed,\u201d or \u201cYour cousin helps out more\u201d\u2014can chip away at their self-esteem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Celebrate what makes each grandchild unique. Let them know you see their individual strengths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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4. Not Making Space for Them to Be Themselves<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Children aren\u2019t meant to be quiet little statues. They need space to wiggle, laugh, and express themselves.
When we expect them to act older than they are, or silence their playfulness, we end up stifling the very joy that makes them who they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Let them be kids. Laugh with them. Be silly. Invite their imagination to come out and play.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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5. Bringing Up Past Mistakes<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Bringing up old accidents or bad behavior\u2014especially when it\u2019s done in front of others\u2014can make a grandchild feel like they\u2019re never allowed to grow past it.
\u201cRemember when you dropped that bowl?\u201d or \u201cYou were such a handful last time!\u201d may be meant as a chuckle, but to them, it\u2019s a reminder of their flaws.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Leave the past in the past. Let them feel like every visit is a fresh start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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6. Not Letting Them Touch or Use Anything<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If everything is \u201chands off\u201d or \u201ctoo nice,\u201d then our house starts to feel more like a museum than a second home.
Of course we want to protect our things, but if we haven\u2019t created any<\/em> spaces for kids to play, relax, or make a little mess, they\u2019ll feel more like burdens than blessings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Create a \u201ckid-friendly zone\u201d in the house. Even just a basket of toys, some art supplies, or a soft blanket they always use can make all the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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7. Not Involving Them in Anything<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When we do everything for<\/em> them but never with<\/em> them, we unintentionally send the message that they\u2019re just passing through.
Kids feel more welcome when they feel included. Whether it\u2019s setting the table, choosing the movie, or helping bake cookies\u2014being part of the moment makes them feel like they belong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Ask their opinion. Give them little jobs to do with you, not just around you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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8. Talking About Adult Problems in Front of Them<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Kids soak up more than we think. If we\u2019re venting about their parents, talking about money struggles, or sharing stressful news in front of them, they can start to feel uneasy or like they\u2019re in the middle of something they don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Save adult conversations for after bedtime or private moments. Keep your time with them light, loving, and free from the grown-up heaviness they don\u2019t need to carry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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9. Making It Obvious When We Prefer Some Grandkids Over Others<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This one can be hard to admit, but even a little favoritism can wound a child\u2019s heart. Whether it\u2019s giving one grandchild more attention, more gifts, or more praise\u2014it\u2019s noticed.
Children are always watching. They pick up on who gets the longer hug or who\u2019s called \u201cmy little angel.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Make intentional efforts to bond with each grandchild one-on-one. Find what makes your connection with each<\/em> of them special.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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10. Acting Like They\u2019re a Burden<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

We may not say it out loud, but if we sigh every time they ask a question, roll our eyes when they want to play, or talk about how \u201cexhausting\u201d it is to have them over, they\u2019ll pick up on the message: I\u2019m not really wanted here.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What to do instead:<\/strong> Let your actions say, \u201cI\u2019m glad you\u2019re here.\u201d Even if we\u2019re tired or busy, just a smile, an arm around their shoulder, or saying, \u201cI missed you\u201d can make all the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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A Final Word from One Grandma\u2019s Heart to Another<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Being a grandmother is one of the greatest roles we\u2019ll ever play\u2014but it\u2019s also one that takes self-reflection and gentleness. Our love for our grandchildren is deep and endless\u2014but love needs to be shown in ways they can feel and understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s make sure our homes don\u2019t just have a place for them to sleep\u2014but a place where they feel deeply seen, welcomed, and adored. Let\u2019s be the kind of grandmas they want to visit\u2014not because they have to, but because it feels like home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We won\u2019t always get it right\u2014but every step toward warmth, understanding, and connection is a step toward stronger relationships and more cherished memories.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From one grandmother to another\u2014let\u2019s make sure our love feels […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":14214,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center 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